Facebook's Greatest Hits: 323 is the Loneliest Number

                                                               Photo by Melissa Rose

Melissa's lament went something like this, “I post a great status update and an amazing picture, and what do I get? One thumb’s up and a smiley face!”

As of this writing, my niece has three hundred and twenty-three Facebook friends. Beyond her inevitable artist’s realization that very few will ever recognize our genius, it seemed to me that she was saying something fairly profound about friendship – and especially friendship as it’s found on Facebook.

There is a simple truth that we all know, but are usually too tired to acknowledge – interacting with other people has consequences. Those consequences are either negative or positive. Someone will be helped, or she will be left wanting. Someone will be made happy, or he will be saddened. Someone will be satisfied, or she will be frustrated. The list could go on forever. The degree of each positive or negative outcome may vary, but there is no neutral ground when it comes to relating to others – even on Facebook.

In my last post, I discussed the backlash social networking is currently experiencing, and my growing opinion that not all of the criticism was warranted. I wondered if perhaps, now that these networking tools have lost their novel glow, we might learn to use them in ways that are more fruitful and satisfying. This could be a challenging endeavor, though. Recent research shows that most people tend to get out of Facebook what they bring to it, and it seems that what many people bring to Facebook is a growing feeling of loneliness and disconnection.

Last time, I also mentioned a recent article in Atlantic magazine (“Is Facebook Making Us Lonely?” May, 2012). In this story, author Stephen Marche wrote about the loneliness many of us seem to be experiencing (at least it’s something we can all do together) and cited statistics about the possible causes. The flight from cities to the suburbs, our reliance on cars for transportation, the disintegration of the traditional family, and the mobility of society are all possible culprits on Marche’s list.

I would add to the above list the general crush of life – especially life as we’re currently experiencing it. When every moment seems like a struggle for survival, we humans can become pretty mercenary in our relationships. In this environment, many people are unwilling or unable to put in the time it takes to truly know another person. Instead, people base their interactions on whether or not any given person is useful to their survival – a sure recipe for a life of shallow and unfulfilling relationships, and one that rarely leads to real friendships. Predictably, Marche concludes that people were lonely long before Facebook came along. He cites some convincing research, though, which seems to confirm that Facebook involvement causes the lost, disconnected, and lonely to feel even lonelier.

No matter how charmed a life one may lead, every person on the planet has those lost and lonely times. Many people have more than their share. Since I, who call myself Christ’s, am also called to bring light and hope to a lost, disconnected, and lonely world, I can’t help but wonder the obvious. What do I bring to something like Facebook? Is there a purpose to all this “know and be known” activity, or is it just one more of the world’s distracting games? If so, do I play the world’s game, or can I be the game-changer? Do I set myself apart in the name of privacy – I have a particular talent for this one – or do I, in Christ-like fashion, seek to redeem? Yes, actually, I am in all seriousness asking the question that I’m sure I am not the first to ask… What would Jesus do with Facebook? How does He “befriend?” How do we follow His example?

I’m thinking that one thumbs up and a smiley face doesn’t even begin to cover it. Posting the latest hell and brimstone, “the world is ending” sermon, is probably not the answer. Platitudes and proof-texting, as much as Facebook lends itself to these, I’m pretty sure don’t help. So what does? I’ll ponder the answer to that question next, but in the meantime, feel free to leave your ideas on the subject here.

Facebook's Greatest Hits: That's What Friends Are For?

The world of social media has been taking some hits lately. Facebook, Twitter, and their friends have become prime targets for the internet backlash crowd. Most recently, there was the broadcast and print media’s gleeful snickering about Facebook’s stock market woes (relative to the overblown expectations). Several books hit the market last year full of dire warnings about where all this social networking is taking us. This spring, a number of commencement addresses exhorted graduates to look away from their smartphones and into the eyes of their loved ones. Perhaps most compelling (and controversial) was a recent article in The Atlantic magazine by Stephen Marche titled “Is Facebook Making Us Lonely?” (May 2012). In the article, Marche distilled current research that suggests social media involvement might actually make people feel less connected to others. 

Up until a few weeks ago, I might have agreed with every word. Then I joined Facebook. I know – I’m not exactly on the cutting edge of the digital revolution. Here I am, joining Facebook just as many of my friends are thinking of ditching it. My buddies were shocked when I joined. There was some debate about whether or not hell had frozen over.

Truth be told, I’m not a complete newbie. I’ve been living vicariously through my husband’s Facebook page for more than a year now. So I am aware that Facebook involves a lot of self-promotion and encourages narcissism. Many people are self-flatteringly selective about the information they share. Exclamation point usage is completely out of control! But there is also this: the midnight post from Portland, “I just got some bad news, please pray for me,” and all the responses from people who promised they would.

It is posts like that last one, and so many similar ones I’ve read in the last few weeks, that have caused me to reconsider my previous criticism of the social network. So Facebook has lost some of its luster. It’s no longer the bright and shiny toy it once was. Maybe now we can have the perspective to view social media as just another piece to the puzzle of living a fruitful and satisfying life. Which brings us to the counter-intuitive truth that a satisfying life comes, not from what we get, but from what we give. What are we called to give our Facebook friends? Ultimately, each of us has to answer that for ourselves – but I have a few ideas. Sign up to think more about this with me in coming posts, then accept my four days of Facebook Friend Challenges.