Facebook's Greatest Hits: I'll Be There

Welcome to week three of the Facebook Friend Challenge! If you’ve got this down, move to the next paragraph. If you’re just joining us, we’ve been thinking about social networking practices. We have noticed that how we operate confirms recent research, which says we get out of social networking what we bring to it. This research has also found, however, that what many people bring to social media is a growing feeling of disconnectedness. We’ve thought about how we, who call ourselves Christ’s, are also called to bring light and hope to the world. We’ve asked the question, "What do we bring to something like Facebook?" We’re looking to make a difference, even on Facebook, and using Jesus’ example to guide us.

As everyone knows, Jesus enjoyed a good meal with friends. He hung out with people and shared their lives. Sometimes it was dramatic – probably with Jesus, it was never boring. Most of the time, it was just life together.

It could be argued that Facebook was originally created to help people connect at a certain time and a certain place in the real world ...okay, it was created by a guy in order to keep track of which cute girls were at the best parties at Harvard…but we’re about redemption here, right? There is no substitute for real-world, human contact. I love that I get to see a picture of the awesome steak my friends barbecued for dinner last night. They had a great time, and it makes me happy to know they were happy. However, we could only truly bond over that steak if I was there, eating it with them, and they live on the other side of the continent.


Last time, we considered the question of how many Facebook friends is too many, and I suggested that each of us has to determine that for himself. Since then, I’ve wondered, how do I make the tough decisions about which requests to accept and which to ignore? The principle that we’re looking at today can help answer that question.

We are innately curious creatures, we humans. We were created this way and it’s how we learn. Just like most things in life, though, it can be two-edged sword – fulfilling our curiosity can also become an unhealthy addiction. Researchers have discovered something interesting about people who use Facebook to coordinate and reflect on real-world contact. They tend to be more satisfied and happy in general than people who use social networking to keep track of those they never see in real life. The results are in and, clearly, there are better ways to spend a life than trolling the halls of Facebook but never connecting. Chatting and commenting on people’s posts are good, getting together in real life is better.

So, if I have to make a choice between accepting a request from an old high school friend that I haven’t seen for twenty years and won’t talk to again until my 30^th High School Reunion – or, accepting a request from someone I just met at church last Sunday – familiarity might incline me to go with the old high school friend, but it would be way better for both of us to accept the local new acquaintance. Facebook is a great tool for arranging help, encouragement, and connection with local friends. Let’s use it that way.

Facebook Challenge, Week Three: Use Facebook to arrange a meet with local friends in the real world…of course!

Facebook's Greatest Hits: Someone To Watch Over Me

Welcome to week two of my Facebook Friend Challenge. If you've been with me all along – thanks, and move on to the next paragraph. If you’re just joining us, we’ve been thinking about social networking practices, and noticing that how we operate confirms recent research, which says we get out of social networking what we bring to it. This research has also found, however, that what many people bring to social media is a growing feeling of disconnectedness. We’ve thought about how we, who call ourselves Christ’s, are also called to bring light and hope to the world. We have asked the question, "What do we bring to something like Facebook?" We’re looking to make a difference, even on Facebook, and using Jesus’ example to guide us.

Last week, we thought about looking beyond the image people project, not comparing our lives to others, and generally keepin’ it real. This week, we’ll go deeper into how we might better support each other.

 Photo by Melissa Rose 

Jesus spent the majority of His time with His closest friends, serving them, teaching them, listening to them, and encouraging them. Sure, Jesus had thousands of followers, and hundreds of disciples. But the Bible gives the impression that He saved the best of Himself for twelve guys, one of whom He knew would ultimately betray Him. 

Consider these facts: 

On Facebook, commenting on a friend’s status actually creates a greater sense of connectedness, for both of you, than hitting the like button - yes, people have researched this. A robot could hit the like button. It takes a real friend to make a thoughtful comment based on mutual affection. Being able to act on your friends' updates is especially great. For example, if a friend posts a request for prayer, don’t just tell them you’ll pray. Try to stop and pray for them – and then let them know you did. Finally, realize that Facebook is set up so that the people who post the most are the ones that show up front and center on your home page. If you haven’t seen a friend’s post for a while, they may be on vacation in Belize, or they may be taking a break from the social network – more power to them! But it’s also possible that they aren’t doing well and need to hear from a real friend. It’s easy to take a peek at their wall, or better yet, give them a call, and check in.

In light of the above, and Jesus' example, I’ve been wondering – how many people in a social network can each of us emotionally invest in without spending our entire lives staring at a screen? I’m talking primarily here about personal Facebook use, not professional networking (and we all know the difference…right?) From what I can tell, my friend from Junior High (who I’ve mentioned in previous posts) actually seems to be able to take care of his 998 Facebook friends much to their satisfaction. Ditto with my niece and the many followers of her photographic posts. Don’t ask me how these two I’ve mentioned do what they do – it’s just important that they do it.

Me? I’ve been on Facebook for a couple of months, now. I made a few friend requests. Mostly, I’ve just been experimenting with how many people find me through my maximum privacy settings and minimal profile information (because that’s how I roll). My friends are adding up, and I will soon hit my limit. Only you know how many people you can and should maintain meaningful contact with – but I think it’s important to consider it.

Facebook Challenge, Week Two: Think of a friend who hasn’t posted for a while. Find out what’s going on with him or her. If your friend is having a hard time, hang out with them, on the phone or in person, until they feel better. Alternate Challenge: If it’s been a while since you left more than a thumbs up or a smiley face, take some time and comment on your friends’ posts. Your comments must be more than one word – “nice”, “great”, “cool” don’t count.  “Love it” – one of my personal favorites, is also an automatic disqualification.

Facebook's Greatest Hits: Somewhere Over the Rainbow

                                                            Photo by Melissa Rose 

First, thanks for coming this far with me on my Facebook journey. If you've been with me all along, skip to the next paragraph. If you’re just joining us, I’ve been thinking about our social networking practices, and noticing that how we operate confirms recent research, which says we get out of social networking what we bring to it. This research has also found, however, that what many people bring to social media is a growing feeling of disconnectedness. I’ve thought about how I, who call myself Christ’s, am also called to bring light and hope to this world. I’ve asked the question, “What do I bring to something like Facebook?” 

Last time, I suggested four examples of how Jesus related to friends. It’s interesting to see how Jesus’ example seems consistent with what recent research suggests is the healthier approach to social networking – healthy for us, and our friends. That is what I’ll be looking at for the next four weeks, and if you’re up for it, we’ll give following Jesus’ example a shot with a weekly challenge. Ready? Here we go.

Jesus saw beyond the image that people tried to project. Rather than tearing them down or simply calling them out, He encouraged them in their real heart’s desire – to be the best version of themselves – to be the person God created them to be, in Christ.

One article I’ve read about the Facebook phenomenon equated people’s Facebook pages to the airbrushed photos of models on the covers of fashion magazines. Both are projections of an ideal – but neither is real life and never will be. As Jesus also made clear, comparing ourselves to other people isn’t helpful for anyone. It’s particularly damaging when we compare our lives as a whole to someone else’s few, stellar moments.

At the same time, it is helpful to know what our friends think are the best moments in their lives and the best versions of themselves. Of course, everyone wants to be articulate, interesting, witty, and upbeat with fulfilling jobs, fabulous vacations, dear friends, cute kids, and great spouses. But no one’s real, day-to-day life is actually like this, no matter how successful, rich, or famous they may be.

While I know that the “air-brushed” Facebook phenomenon is a common one, I can honestly say that my Facebook friends have also confronted a mountain of adversity in the last few weeks. These challenges have included career changes, chemo-therapy and other health issues, and the loss of close family members – and my friends have felt comfortable sharing their struggles with me and their other Facebook friends. In return, they have received a lot of encouragement and support, and this is a very good thing.

However, even these tragic times in our lives do not (thankfully) really represent the truth of our day-to-day existence. Sharing them with our Facebook friends is informative, can be helpful, and can result in opportunities for encouragement and comfort. But in the end, our really low points don’t represent the truth of who we are any better than our really high points.

Isn’t it true that life is not about these dramatic moments, anyway, but about the struggle in between? When I say struggle, I don’t just mean the really challenging trials. I mean the day-to-day struggle to be kind  and patient when we feel stressed, to not make our bad day someone else’s, to get up in the morning and go to work (or look for work) and come home and love our families, and then get up the next morning and do the same thing over again. The struggle is how we grow. Persevering through that struggle affects our maturity – it’s how we become the people God created us to be. The beautiful moments – the unexpected joy, the laughter, the sunsets and rainbow views – are just some of the ways God lets us know it will all be worth it.

So this is what I’ve decided to do: Join my friends in taking joy in the beautiful or dramatic times they post about. Comfort and sympathize with them through the really low points. Remember that the rest of their lives are filled with days of tedious struggle, just like mine. Keep my Facebook page as real as I can, and encourage others when they do the same. The self-portraits that my photographer niece posts on days when she’s not feelin’ it, when she does (and wears) nothing of note, are some of my favorites – puffy eyes, torn t-shirt, greasy hair, unmade bed, computer camera and all – that’s my girl!

Facebook Challenge, Week One: Compose thoughtful status updates this week that give your Facebook friends insight into the day-to-day reality of your life. Alternate Challenge - Find a recent friend post that seems particularly real to you. Encourage the friend in a comment and thank them for sharing. Bonus points if no one else has commented.

Facebook's Greatest Hits: These Are A Few of My Favorite Friends

                       Photo by Melissa Rose 

My husband, the poet anthropologist, recently reminded me of a time, fifteen years ago, when we were living in Santa Barbara, California. It was one of the hottest nights of the year and we were in our little apartment, lying on our bed, sweltering and sleepless. At some point in the night, the wind turned and the breeze started to blow in from the Pacific. Sean heard the wind’s shift and imagined the cool, salty air, like water, filling up the parking lot outside our bedroom window. Finally, the breeze spilled over the sill and flowed across us. We sighed, turned to each other, and smiled. This is how he remembers our lives together, in beautiful moments. Peruse his Facebook wall, and you’ll see something similar – our lives, in beautiful frozen moments.

My twenty-year-old niece had a scream as a baby that, in my experience, stands unrivaled. Her baby cries were mere foreshadowing, though, because she’s continued throughout her life to possess a personality that fills up whatever room she occupies. She’s passionate and unfiltered, talented and beautiful. Each morning, I’m greeted with photos and captions she posts on Facebook that are alternately heartrending and breathtaking, just like her.

I have a friend that I’ve known since we attended junior high school together. His gift, even then, was the ability to connect with other people – to make friends. Today, he has 998 Facebook friends, and he informs me that he recently cut back to only those he “knows and interacts with.” He’s not a corporate CEO, or a celebrity, or a TV personality. He’s just a 40-something guy who makes great coffee…with 998 Facebook friends, at last count.

Most of my friends would probably say my greatest strength and my greatest weakness is that I think, and I overthink. Here I am, a few weeks into belatedly joining Facebook, and can I just enjoy reconnecting with friends? No, I have to write a multi-part series about it.

All of this would seem to confirm recent research that I mentioned in previous posts. We tend to get out of Facebook what we bring to it. Ironically, statistics are showing that what many people bring to social networking is a growing sense of disconnectedness. These studies further suggest that for the lonely, involvement in social media only leaves them feeling lonelier. I’ve posed the question, can we who are called to bring light and hope to this world, change this game? What would Jesus do? How does He “befriend?”

Volumes have been written about Jesus’ time on the planet, and I’m not about to compete with them. I’ve chosen four simple examples that I think are typical of how Jesus operated with those He called friends. I like these four because of how obviously they exemplify that old saying, “All truth is God’s truth.” Yep, following Jesus’ example is startlingly consistent with what recent research suggests is a healthier approach to social networking. I’ll talk more about the research in future posts, but before that, what did Jesus do?

First, Jesus saw beyond the image that people tried to project. Rather than tearing them down or simply calling them out, He encouraged them in their real heart’s desire – to be the best version of themselves – to be the person God created them to be, in Christ.

Jesus spent the majority of His time with His closest friends, serving them, teaching them, listening to them, and encouraging them. Sure, Jesus had thousands of followers, and hundreds of disciples. However, the Bible gives the impression that He saved the best of himself for just twelve guys – one of whom, He knew, would ultimately betray Him.

As everyone knows even if they’ve never picked up a Bible, Jesus enjoyed a good meal with friends. He hung out with people and shared their lives. Sometimes it was dramatic – probably with Jesus, it was never boring. But most of the time, it was just life together.

Finally, Jesus spent time alone. He had hundreds of needy people, nearly 24-hours-a-day, clamoring for His attention and care. You think He wasn’t tempted to spend every moment with them – to meet every felt need? The Bible says He was tempted with everything we are, yet He still regularly went off on his own to pray, rest, and recharge. If He could do it, we can, too.

In my next four posts, I’ll think about how applying each of these examples to our social networking might help us all be better Facebook friends, and I’ll issue a weekly challenge. Get ready – this is where it gets real.